Wellspring: 13 ways of looking at my guru. #11: The Majorette

My guru, Swamiji, in 1975

"He [Swamiji] said, 'Isn't this a cremation ground?' referring to his ashram. 'You come here to be burned, and if you can't get that into your head, there's no point in your being here!'" — Swami Veda

Rudolf Steiner: “Freedom is the sense of being capable of actions motivated solely by love.”

"Duty is when one loves the commands one gives to oneself." —Goethe

"What is a good person? One who achieves tranquility by having formed the habit of asking on every occasion: 'What is the right thing to do now?'" —Epictetus

"The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Rembrandt

"I have been driven to my knees many times by the overwhelming conviction that I had no place else to go." — Abraham Lincoln

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." — Matthew 11:28-30

"He who with sincerity seeks his real purpose in life is himself sought by that purpose." —Hazrat Inayat Khan

My yoke is easy : my dharma is penance. In 2003, at the age of 56, I traveled to the School of Metaphysics in Windyville, Missouri, because they claimed to be able to tell you what your dharma actually is. Turns out they truly can do what they claim. Here's a transcript of the session in which they lay the light of my dharma on me.

September 13, 2003. You will search for the identity of the entity referred to as Lawrence Michael Clark. You will relate this one’s dharma from the past and past lifetimes in general in terms of incarnations.

This would be penance. There is a very strong urge within this one and a configuration of attitudes which promote the need for, as well as the capacity for, penance. This is the ability to assess and to give according to the assessment. We see that it is the obligation and the duty and the debt that this one has in any situation, and we see that it does manifest in ways that are appropriate to this. We see that there have been many incarnations in which this one has been somewhat negligent in this regard, inasmuch as this one either did not perceive or did not admit or did not assess accurately the people, places, and things in the life for this one to be able to understand how this one was accountable and how this one was responsible and what this one was responsible for. We see that this then left many situations in many lives where things were left undone, where there were opportunities that were pushed away, from the scattering of attention or the denial of the situation at hand. We see that this then built a considerable amount of energy toward that of penance, of being able to pay what this one owes, and we see that it is through this ability that this one has formed different understandings through subsequent lives, where the penance has become this one’s dharma. We see that this is very strong within this one and there is a constant awareness — even when it is unconscious it is still present, it is a force in this one’s consciousness and therefore in this one’s life — that this one is obligated, is how it is often seen, and we see that it is through this one accepting and moving beyond the limitations of obligation to be able to perceive the benefits of obeisance and generosity that this one will be able to come to a new level of understanding of the dharma itself. This is all.

Very well. What would be the relevance of this one’s dharma to the present lifetime?

In the present we see that this one tends to become distracted through the conscious configuration of obligation. We see that this one has different attitudes about this and we see that some of them are embracing, others are resistant, and we see that it is through this that the awareness is limited of the dharma itself. It would be helpful for this one to begin to develop an image of penance which is desirable. It would be helpful for this one in this to be able to see what it brings to the world personally as well as in this one being connected with living beings. We see that there is a sincere need within this one as well as many others to recognize the sense of duty, purpose, responsibility in order for there to be a greater or heightened sense of connectedness. The sense of duty comes from within the self, it does not pose itself externally; its origin is not apart from this one. And as this one will reconcile this thinking, then there will be a greater flow from within the self of what this one needs to do and why. There is also a need for this one to recognize that the sense of obligation does give this one the sense that there is a need for gratitude. And it is in the embracing of gratitude that this one will become free of the negative connotations to obligation, and these when they are no longer present will make space for there to be joy in the penance — the ability for recompense.

"It is the highest and holiest of the paradoxes that the man who really knows he cannot pay his debt will be forever paying it. He will be for ever giving back what he cannot give back, and what he cannot be expected to give back. He will be always throwing things away into a bottomless pit of unfathomable thanks." — G. K. Chesterton, St. Francis of Assisi

Rudolf Steiner: "If one observes how karma works itself out, it may be said from the human side that this living out of karma can only be described as a kind of hunger and its satisfaction."

The recompense of penance is joy

At-one-ment

Washed in the Blood of the Lamb are We

Awash in a Sonburst Sea

You—Love—and I—Love—and Love Divine:

We are the Trinity

You—Love—and I—We are One-Two-Three

Twining Eternally

Two—Yes—and One—Yes—and also Three:

One Dual Trinity

Radiant Calvary

Ultimate Mystery

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. —Luke 9:23-24

"Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world." —John 1:29

"He must increase : I must decrease." —John 3:30

"In the beholding of God we do not fall;
in the beholding of ourselves we may not stand."
— Julian of Norwich

Revelation 3:14-22

And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God;

I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:

I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see.

As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.

He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.

Rudolf Steiner: "The deeds of human beings represent an interchanging activity between the spiritual world and the world of man's own inner being. The problem of humanity first becomes important for us when we know that in all we do, even in our moods, we influence a whole cosmos, and that this small world of ours is of infinitely far-reaching importance for all that comes to pass in the macrocosm. An increase in our feeling of responsibility is the finest and most important of all the things we gain from spiritual science. It teaches us to grasp the true meaning of life and to realize its importance, so that this life which we cast on the stream of evolution may not enter that stream void of meaning."

Rudolf Steiner: "In older languages the self was not specifically designated, for it was contained within the verb. The ‘I’ was not directly mentioned. The verb was used to show what one was doing, and this was what indicated that one was speaking about oneself. There was no name for the self. It only came about in later times that the human being gave his self a name, and in our German language that name [ich] contains the initials of Jesus Christ, which is an important symbolic fact." [Iesus CHristus: ICH]

"ES IST ICH"

Psalm 51

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

May wisdom shine through me

May love radiate from me

May strength course through me

That in me may arise

A helper of humankind

A consecrated servant

Selfless and true

~ Rudolf Steiner

"If one observes how karma works itself out, it may be said from the human side that this living out of karma can only be described as a kind of hunger and its satisfaction." — Rudolf Steiner

In the summer of 1978, when I was 31, I fell asleep after reading this passage from Yogananda's Autobiography of a Yogi:

Shortly after my healing through the potency of the guru’s picture, I had an influential spiritual vision. Sitting on my bed one morning, I fell into a deep reverie.

“What is behind the darkness of closed eyes?” This probing thought came powerfully into my mind. An immense flash of light at once manifested to my inward gaze. Divine shapes of saints, sitting in meditation posture in mountain caves, formed like miniature cinema pictures on the large screen of radiance within my forehead.

“Who are you?” I spoke aloud.

“We are the Himalayan yogis.” The celestial response is difficult to describe; my heart was thrilled.

“Ah, I long to go to the Himalayas and become like you!” The vision vanished, but the silvery beams expanded in ever-widening circles to infinity.

“What is this wondrous glow?”

“I am Ishwara. I am Light.” The voice was as murmuring clouds.

“I want to be one with Thee!”

Out of the slow dwindling of my divine ecstasy, I salvaged a permanent legacy of inspiration to seek God. “He is eternal, ever-new Joy!” This memory persisted long after the day of rapture.

I found myself in a space with twelve sages in a circle, all focused on an endless column of living white light that was in the middle of the circle. One of the sages sent a ray of consciousness to me: "What do you want to know?" Immediately I responded: "How can I help?"