My dharma is penance:

43 years at the Himalayan Institute

Rudolf Steiner: "Behind all the mysteries of the world there lies the great mystery of human karma."

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance."
— Galatians 5:22-23

from my latest intuitive health reading from the School of Metaphysics:

"There needs to be the letting go of the grief, the sadness, and the bitterness, and replaced with a deep appreciation of who this one is ... it would be important for this one to review this one's life in that fashion, with a sense of gratitude, appreciation, and honor . . . replace any thoughts of regret with love."

"If one observes how karma works itself out, it may be said from the human side that this living out of karma can only be described as a kind of hunger and its satisfaction." — Rudolf Steiner

"A single human life on Earth is an entire mystery. What else can it be, until seen against the background of the former lives on Earth?" — Rudolf Steiner

Our karma is our own permanent being,

our true self. — Rudolf Steiner

My yoke is easy : my dharma is penance. In 2003, at the age of 56, I traveled to the School of Metaphysics in Windyville, Missouri, because they claimed to be able to tell you what your dharma actually is. Turns out they truly can do what they claim. Here's a transcript of the session in which they laid the light of my dharma on me.

September 13, 2003. You will search for the identity of the entity referred to as Lawrence Michael Clark. You will relate this one’s dharma from the past and past lifetimes in general in terms of incarnations.

This would be penance. There is a very strong urge within this one and a configuration of attitudes which promote the need for, as well as the capacity for, penance. This is the ability to assess and to give according to the assessment. We see that it is the obligation and the duty and the debt that this one has in any situation, and we see that it does manifest in ways that are appropriate to this. We see that there have been many incarnations in which this one has been somewhat negligent in this regard, inasmuch as this one either did not perceive or did not admit or did not assess accurately the people, places, and things in the life for this one to be able to understand how this one was accountable and how this one was responsible and what this one was responsible for. We see that this then left many situations in many lives where things were left undone, where there were opportunities that were pushed away, from the scattering of attention or the denial of the situation at hand. We see that this then built a considerable amount of energy toward that of penance, of being able to pay what this one owes, and we see that it is through this ability that this one has formed different understandings through subsequent lives, where the penance has become this one’s dharma. We see that this is very strong within this one and there is a constant awareness — even when it is unconscious it is still present, it is a force in this one’s consciousness and therefore in this one’s life — that this one is obligated, is how it is often seen, and we see that it is through this one accepting and moving beyond the limitations of obligation to be able to perceive the benefits of obeisance and generosity that this one will be able to come to a new level of understanding of the dharma itself. This is all.

Very well. What would be the relevance of this one’s dharma to the present lifetime?

In the present we see that this one tends to become distracted through the conscious configuration of obligation. We see that this one has different attitudes about this and we see that some of them are embracing, others are resistant, and we see that it is through this that the awareness is limited of the dharma itself. It would be helpful for this one to begin to develop an image of penance which is desirable. It would be helpful for this one in this to be able to see what it brings to the world personally as well as in this one being connected with living beings. We see that there is a sincere need within this one as well as many others to recognize the sense of duty, purpose, responsibility in order for there to be a greater or heightened sense of connectedness. The sense of duty comes from within the self, it does not pose itself externally; its origin is not apart from this one. And as this one will reconcile this thinking, then there will be a greater flow from within the self of what this one needs to do and why. There is also a need for this one to recognize that the sense of obligation does give this one the sense that there is a need for gratitude. And it is in the embracing of gratitude that this one will become free of the negative connotations to obligation, and these when they are no longer present will make space for there to be joy in the penance — the ability for recompense.

Life is the unfolding glory of the rose of expiation.

Steadfastly I take my place on Earth;

Certain as I walk through life;

Strength pours into my heart;

Love in the core of my being;

Hope in all I do;

Trust in all my thinking:

These six go with me through life.

— Rudolf Steiner

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

In the summer of 1978, when I was 31, I fell asleep after reading this passage from Yogananda's Autobiography of a Yogi:

Shortly after my healing through the potency of the guru’s picture, I had an influential spiritual vision. Sitting on my bed one morning, I fell into a deep reverie.

“What is behind the darkness of closed eyes?” This probing thought came powerfully into my mind. An immense flash of light at once manifested to my inward gaze. Divine shapes of saints, sitting in meditation posture in mountain caves, formed like miniature cinema pictures on the large screen of radiance within my forehead.

“Who are you?” I spoke aloud.

“We are the Himalayan yogis.” The celestial response is difficult to describe; my heart was thrilled.

“Ah, I long to go to the Himalayas and become like you!” The vision vanished, but the silvery beams expanded in ever-widening circles to infinity.

“What is this wondrous glow?”

“I am Ishwara. I am Light.” The voice was as murmuring clouds.

“I want to be one with Thee!”

Out of the slow dwindling of my divine ecstasy, I salvaged a permanent legacy of inspiration to seek God. “He is eternal, ever-new Joy!” This memory persisted long after the day of rapture.

I suddenly found myself in an interior space with twelve sages in a circle, all focused on an endless column of living white light that was in the middle of the circle. One of the sages sent a ray of consciousness to me: "What do you want to know?" Immediately I responded: "How can I help?"

"The Return of the Prodigal Son" by Rembrandt

"Wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it."

— Proverbs 8:11

Ma Swaha

The site of the Himalayan Institute,
where Darlene and I have lived since July 3, 1981,
is the former Kilroe Seminary of the Sacred Heart.

The Himalayan Institute's Meditation Shrine

Rudolf Steiner: "All community-building eventuates in a higher being descending from the world of the spirit to reign over and unite people who have come together in a common cause."

"On the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience." —Luke 8:15

"Serious, good will is the greatest, most beautiful quality of the spirit. Success lies in a higher, invisible hand. Only intention gives value to our efforts." — Friedrich Schiller

Rudolf Steiner: "States and all other human communities come and go before our eyes. But what human beings have formed out of their souls, as such communities, constitute humanly conceived ideas of eternal value, with an eternally enduring significance. And when this human race once again appears on the Earth in a new form, then it will see the fruits of these elements of eternal value."

My guru, Swamiji
Glenview, Illinois, 1975

Swamiji, referring to his ashram: "Isn't this a cremation ground? You come here to be burned, and if you can't get that into your head, there's no point in your being here!"

Light on the Path, Rule #1: Kill out ambition. "It is easy to say, I will not be ambitious: it is not so easy to say, when the Master reads my heart he will find it clean utterly."

"The Lord dwells in the hearts of all creatures

and whirls them round upon the wheel of maya.

Run to him for refuge with all your strength,

and peace profound will be yours through his grace."

— Bhagavad Gita 18:61-62

Guru Gita 76:

Dhyana mulam guror murtih

Puja mulam guroh padam

Mantra mulam guror vakyam

Moksha mulam guroh krpa

The root of meditation is the guru's form

The root of worship is the guru's feet

The root of mantra is the guru's word

The root of liberation is the guru's grace.

"If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it." — Luke 9:23-24

"He must increase; I must decrease."
— John 3:30

"Not I, but Christ in me."

Rudolf Steiner: "The essential secret, therefore, is this: The human being must know how to keep silence about the paths along which his ego unfolds, and to regard his deeds, not his personal ego, as the criterion. The real heart of the secret lies in his deeds and in the overcoming of the ego through deed. The ego must remain concealed within the deed! Elimination of the interests of the personal ego from the onstreaming flow of human karma — this belongs to the First Degree. Whatever individual karma the ego incurs in the process is thereby wiped out. Nation, race, sex, position, religion — all these work upon human egoism. Only when man has overcome them will he be free of egoism."

"The shortest cut is to cut the ego."

— Swamiji, frequently

Swamiji

P. G. Wodehouse: “He's like one of those weird chappies in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie.”

I was never looking for a guru;
I was just looking for someone who
could teach me how to meditate better.

Choleric Larry Clark

Rudolf Steiner: "Persons of a choleric temperament should purposely put themselves in situations where rage is of no use, but rather only makes them look ridiculous."

Rudolf Steiner: "Let us suppose that a person intended to accomplish something in the world through inner spiritual means. The individual has to prepare himself or herself by learning above all to suppress his or her wishes or desires. And while one becomes stronger in the physical world if one eats well and is well nourished and thus has more energy, one will achieve something significant in the spiritual world — this is a description, not advice — when one fasts or does something to suppress or renounce wishes and desires. Preparation that involves relinquishing the wishes, desires, and will impulses arising in us is always part of the greatest spiritual endeavors. The less we will, the more we can say that we let life stream over us and do not desire this or that, but rather take things as karma casts them before us; the more we accept karma and its consequences; the more we behave calmly, renouncing all that we otherwise would have wanted to achieve in life — the stronger we become."

"I am come to send fire on the earth; and what will I, if it be already kindled? But I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how am I straitened till it be accomplished!" —Luke 12:49-50

Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:

For our God is a consuming fire.

— Hebrews 12:28-29

"In the beholding of God we do not fall;

in the beholding of ourselves we may not stand."

— Julian of Norwich

"I through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God. I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." — Galatians 2:19-21

Rudolf Steiner: "In truth, self-seeking and egoism bring their own punishment because the self-seeking person becomes more and more discontented, complains more and more that he comes off badly. When anyone feels this way about himself, he ought to acknowledge the law of karma and ask himself, when he is discontented: 'What self-seeking has brought this discontent upon me?'"

"When spiritual life and ordinary life are brought into direct connection with each other, then, for the first time, large numbers of people will feel spiritual life as a vital necessity." — Rudolf Steiner

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

— Matthew 11:28-30

Namaste: I salute Jesus Christ in you

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you"

— Matthew 7:7

Rudolf Steiner: "If we give up ourselves to mutual help, through this giving up to the community a powerful strengthening of our organs takes place. If we then speak or act as a member of such a community there speaks or acts in us not the singular soul only but the spirit of the community. This is the secret of progress for the future of mankind: To work out of communities."

Rudolf Steiner: "Wherever we are gathered together we are gathered in the name of the search for wisdom and the search for love."

"Yogaḥ Karmasu Kauśalam" ["Yoga is skill in action"]
— Bhagavad Gita 2:50
The motto of the Himalayan Institute

"Let each one of us see in one another what is just and imbued with strength.

Let strength generate and empower strength.

Only then shall we move forward together."

— Rudolf Steiner

"Something must come about anew that resembles the working of the old Mysteries, something that is described as an offering and devotion of the whole human being, an opening out of the whole human being within his or her task.... the impulse to give one's whole humanity as an offering to the work that you have recognized as being holy." —Rudolf Steiner

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My god, do you learn." — C. S. Lewis

Ma Swaha

"Find what you love and let it kill you."

— Charles Bukowski

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. —Psalm 126:5-6

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. — Romans 8:28

"Rejoice, and be exceeding glad" — Matthew 5:12

"Why, you should be leading lives of joy — deep inner joy in the truth! There is nothing in the world more delightful, nothing more fascinating, than the experience of truth. There you have an esotericism that is far more genuine, far more significant, than the esotericism that goes about with a long face. Before everything else — and long before you begin to talk about having a “mission” — there must be this living inner experience of truth." — Rudolf Steiner

"And the Veda was made flesh,

and dwelt among us."

Jesus: Krishna, redeemed by Christ

The quintessential Maha-Vakya: "ES IST ICH"

Rudolf Steiner: "In older languages the self was not specifically designated, for it was contained within the verb. The 'I' was not directly mentioned. The verb was used to show what one was doing, and this was what indicated that one was speaking about oneself. There was no name for the self. It only came about in later times that the human being gave his self a name, and in our German language that name [ich] contains the initials of Jesus Christ, which is an important symbolic fact." [Iesus CHristus: ICH]

"Let your work be the shadow that your I casts when it is shone upon by the flame of your higher self."
— Rudolf Steiner

"Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world." — John 1:29

"Work and learn in evil days, in insulted days, in days of debt and depression and calamity. Fight best in the shade of the cloud of arrows." — Emerson

Rudolf Steiner:
This ability to rise to the point at which thoughts of the spirit can grip us as powerfully as can anything in the physical world: this is Michael power. It is confidence in the ideas of spirit — given the capacity for receiving them at all — leading to the conviction: I have received a spiritual impulse. I give myself up to it. I become the instrument for its execution. First failure — never mind! Second failure — never mind! A hundred failures are of no consequence, for no failure is ever a decisive factor in judging the truth of a spiritual impulse whose effect has been inwardly understood and grasped. We have full confidence in a spiritual impulse, grasped at a certain point of time, only when we can say to ourself: My hundred failures can at most prove that the conditions for realizing the impulse are not given me in this incarnation; but that this impulse is right I can know from its own nature. And if I must wait a hundred incarnations for the power to realize this impulse, nothing but its own nature can convince me of the efficacy or impotence of any spiritual impulse.
If you will imagine this thought developed in the heart and soul as great confidence in spirit, if you will consider that man can cling firm as a rock to something he has seen to be spiritually victorious, something he refuses to relinquish in spite of all outer oppostion, then you will have a conception of what the Michael power, the Michael being, really demands of us; for only then will you comprehend the nature of the great confidence in spirit. We may leave in abeyance some spiritual impulse or other, even for a whole incarnation; but once we have grasped it we must never waver in cherishing it within us, for only thus can we save it up for subsequent incarnations. And when confidence in spirit will in this way have established a frame of mind to which this spiritual substance appears as real as the ground under our feet — the ground without which we could not stand — then we shall have in our heart and soul a feeling of what Michael really expects of us.

Rudolf Steiner: "Spirit Triumphant! Flame through the impotence of fettered, faltering souls! Burn up selfishness, kindle compassion, so that selflessness, the lifestream of humanity, may flow as the wellspring of spiritual rebirth!"

Rudolf Steiner, "Verse for America"

May we be centered in the feeling

of compassionate love in our hearts

as we seek to unite with human beings who share our goals

and with spirit beings who, full of grace,

behold our earnest, heartfelt striving,

strengthening us from realms of light

and illuminating our love.

Rudolf Steiner: "You can calmly feel the truth as an ideal placed before you at an immeasurable distance yet with the awareness that you are on your way toward it."

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

— 1 Peter 4:8

Rudolf Steiner: "...these societies built on brotherliness and spiritual insight are the worst beset with conflicts. They present the widest opportunities for fighting, for partings-of-the-way, for splitting up into separate factions within the larger group, for group resignations, for sharp attacks on those who stay and those who leave, and so on. In short, human strife is at its most rampant in groups dedicated to brotherhood.... When people apply their ordinary soul habits to what they think they are understanding of teachings about the higher worlds, then this inevitably develops strife and egotism. Thus it is just by grasping the true nature of the higher worlds that one is led to understand how easily societies with a spiritual content can become involved in conflicts and quarreling, and how necessary it is to educate oneself to participation in such groups by learning to tolerate the other person to an immeasurably greater degree than one is used to doing."

Socrates: "What the most decent people experience in relation to their community is so hard to bear that there's no other experience like it."

Abraham Lincoln: "I am like the man who was tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail. When they asked him how he felt about it, he said that if it were not for the honor of the thing, he would rather have walked."

"Sometimes the only writing material you have is your own blood." — Daniel Berrigan

"Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." — Matthew 10:16

I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

— Matthew 5:44-45

“To create centers of peace & love in which the Christ can resurrect.”

~written on the urn that holds the ashes of Rudolf Steiner

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." — Margaret Mead

“A healthy social life is found only when in the mirror of each soul the whole community finds its reflection, and when in the whole community the virtue of each one is living.” — Rudolf Steiner

"Love thy God above all,
and love thy neighbor as thyself."

Rudolf Steiner: "The finest form of human community is when people nurture each other's soul development. This establishes human community on a wonderful foundation."

"Only love works." — Rudolf Steiner

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

— John 15:13

Rudolf Steiner: "If anyone is to work for the community, he must perceive and feel the value, the nature and importance, of this community. He can do this only when the community is quite different from a more or less indefinite sum of individual human beings. It must be informed by an actual spirit, in which each single one has their part. It must be such that each one says 'It is as it should be, and I will that it be so.' The community must have a spiritual mission, and each individual must have the will to contribute toward the fulfilling of this mission."

The words of Benedictus, from scene 7 of Rudolf Steiner’s Mystery Drama “The Portal of Initiation”:

You have been joined by destiny
together to unfold the powers
which are to serve the good in active work.
And while you journey on the path of soul,
wisdom itself will teach you
that the highest goal can be achieved
when souls will give each other spirit certainty,
will join together in faithfulness
for the healing of the world.
The spirit’s guidance has united you in knowledge;
so now unite yourselves for spirit work.
The rulers of this realm bestow on you,
through me, these words of strength:

Light’s weaving essence radiates
from person to person
to fill the world with truth.
Love’s blessing gives its warmth
to souls through souls
to work and weave the bliss of all the worlds.
And messengers of spirit
join human works of blessing
with purposes of worlds.
And when those who find themselves in others
join with each other
the light of spirit radiates through warmth of soul.

February 10, 1998: The Day of Beholding

Let our mercy toward others make up for the sins done to us.

John 15:1 - 16:3

I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.

Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.

Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.

I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.

If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.

As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.

If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.

These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

These things I command you, that ye love one another.

If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.

If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.

But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.

If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin: but now they have no cloak for their sin.

He that hateth me hateth my Father also.

If I had not done among them the works which none other man did, they had not had sin: but now have they both seen and hated both me and my Father.

But this cometh to pass, that the word might be fulfilled that is written in their law, They hated me without a cause.

But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me:

And ye also shall bear witness, because ye have been with me from the beginning.

These things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended.

They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service.

And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me.

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
— John 16:33

Rudolf Steiner: "Permeation with the Christ Impulse can be felt as most precious inner soul-warmth, as comfort in the most difficult circumstances, as support in the worst abysses of life. And why? Because he who is truly permeated with the Christ Impulse finds that in whatever conquests his soul achieves, however imperfect they may appear in earthly life, there lies this Christ impulse as the assurance and guarantee of fulfillment for them. That is why Christ is such a consolation in the doubts of life, such a support for the soul. How much for the souls on Earth remains unfulfilled in life! How much seems to them precious, although in relation to the outer physical world they cannot but regard it as resembling vain hopes of spring. But anything we honestly feel in our soul, anything we can unite with our soul as a valued possession — all this we can commit to Christ; and whatever may be its prospects of realization, when we have committed it to Christ He bears it forth upon His wings into reality. It is not always necessary to have knowledge of this, but the soul that feels the Christ within it, as the body feels its life-giving blood, feels the warmth, the promise of realization in this Christ Impulse in respect of all that cannot be realized in the external world, although the soul, with perfect justification, longs for it to be realized. The fact that clairvoyant consciousness sees these things when it surveys souls after death is a proof of how justifiable is the feeling of the human soul when in all that a man does, in all that he thinks, he feels himself Christ-enfilled, takes the Christ into his soul as comfort, as support, saying in Earth-life: “Not I, but Christ in me!” For a man may indeed say that in this Earth-life!"