Thursday, June 29, 2017

Guy Behavior


Dave Barry:  You take a man and a woman, knock them both out with chloroform, put them into an airplane, fly them to South America, and leave them in the heart of the Amazon jungle in the middle of a starless night without a compass, and the instant they wake up, the man will announce: 'We want to go this way.'




Dave Barry:  I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not. This is why, when an attractive woman walks past a group of guys, no matter what activity they are engaged in, they will suffer an attack of Lust-Induced Brain Freeze (LIBF):
     BOMB-DISPOSAL EXPERT (calmly but urgently): Okay, we have fifteen seconds to bypass the timer circuit. On the count of three, I'm going to switch to auxiliary power, and I want you to short out these contacts, got it?
     SECOND EXPERT: Got it.
     FIRST EXPERT: Okay, one, two . . . (An attractive woman walks by.)
     FIRST EXPERT: Whoa.
     SECOND EXPERT: Yes.
     FIRST EXPERT: Mmm-MMM.
     SECOND EXPERT: YES.
     FIRST EXPERT: Whoa momma.
     SECOND EXPERT: YESSSS.
     BOMB: Boom.